60 bucks worth of OPKs and I think the compare the line test is positive. The reason I'm not sure is that the control line ink is pretty light. The first digital said no and the second said error.
I'm off to the store to buy yet another test kit and will try again in a few hours.
Monday, April 20, 2009
I think I might be cranky
I just can't decide what I want to talk about. I wanted to post something but I just can't decide what I want to talk about.
I thought I was doing ok dealing with the miscarriage but there have been a few tough moments. Last week I found myself choking back tears when I thought my younger cousin was pregnant again (nope, just put on some weight). I was also all annoyed last night when an old high school friend was all excited to announce to everyone at a little mini reunion that her and the husband were going to start trying. I just know she's going to be one of those people who gets pregnant on the first try.
This cycle is doing it's best to test my patience. I hate odd cycles. It's CD 16 and I'm still waiting for a positive OPK. Lots of CM going on and sort of crampish. I'm worried that my OPKs are duds or that I missed/going to miss ovulation. It's the cramping that concerns me the most because I usually feel them for a few hours the night before ovulation but I think they are more intense than what I have now. It's after midnight and I'm considering testing again. I think I've officially lost my mind!
I thought I was doing ok dealing with the miscarriage but there have been a few tough moments. Last week I found myself choking back tears when I thought my younger cousin was pregnant again (nope, just put on some weight). I was also all annoyed last night when an old high school friend was all excited to announce to everyone at a little mini reunion that her and the husband were going to start trying. I just know she's going to be one of those people who gets pregnant on the first try.
This cycle is doing it's best to test my patience. I hate odd cycles. It's CD 16 and I'm still waiting for a positive OPK. Lots of CM going on and sort of crampish. I'm worried that my OPKs are duds or that I missed/going to miss ovulation. It's the cramping that concerns me the most because I usually feel them for a few hours the night before ovulation but I think they are more intense than what I have now. It's after midnight and I'm considering testing again. I think I've officially lost my mind!
Saturday, April 4, 2009
34 hours
I started bleeding today. The cramping is more intense than usual and a few of them have had me doubling over in pain. I'm sad but mostly ok. I knew that this was the most likely outcome. I still need to go for another beta on Monday to make sure that my hCG level has returned to 0.
I hated the untelling. I struggled to find the right words because once I said it out loud it would be true. Not this time was enough for one of them the other needed to hear miscarriage. Is that how I now have to answer the "have you ever been pregnant" question from doctors? Will filling in a new patient medical history form be the only weight that my spark will have? I'm thinking that I might want something else to give those 34 hours of hope some weight. Something small that I can see or touch. What that will be hasn't come to me yet but it will.
I hated the untelling. I struggled to find the right words because once I said it out loud it would be true. Not this time was enough for one of them the other needed to hear miscarriage. Is that how I now have to answer the "have you ever been pregnant" question from doctors? Will filling in a new patient medical history form be the only weight that my spark will have? I'm thinking that I might want something else to give those 34 hours of hope some weight. Something small that I can see or touch. What that will be hasn't come to me yet but it will.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Spark
I am for the moment pregnant. Unfortunately, that has to be quickly followed by the fact that the number was very low for 14dpo and the odds really aren't on my side. I know the likely outcome. I was napping when the nurse called to tell me the results and even though her words weren't very positive all my heart heard was hope. I've decided to embrace this little spark of hope because at this moment I'm pregnant. This spark of life exists. This is as close as I have ever gotten and it very well may be as close as I ever get. This little spark is my little spark.
Thank you for all the comments yesterday. They do help. Fat Chick- thank you for that link to the beta site. I spent some time reading their message boards and not all low betas end in disaster.
I went back and forth on whether or not I should tell anyone and in the end I decided that I did want someone else to know that my sparky existed. I wanted to be able to talk about it. I called my cousin first and she was so sweet. My sisters were next and that was comical. I live with one of them and the other is out of state. I had my sister come in my room as I called the other one on the phone so I could tell them at the same time. I explained my news and the sister on the phone said "I thought you weren't still doing that" "at least now you know you can get pregnant" the sister in front of me didn't believe me and kept saying I was a day late for jokes. I'm glad I called my cousin first. Once they got over their shock they managed to be more supportive.
Thank you for all the comments yesterday. They do help. Fat Chick- thank you for that link to the beta site. I spent some time reading their message boards and not all low betas end in disaster.
I went back and forth on whether or not I should tell anyone and in the end I decided that I did want someone else to know that my sparky existed. I wanted to be able to talk about it. I called my cousin first and she was so sweet. My sisters were next and that was comical. I live with one of them and the other is out of state. I had my sister come in my room as I called the other one on the phone so I could tell them at the same time. I explained my news and the sister on the phone said "I thought you weren't still doing that" "at least now you know you can get pregnant" the sister in front of me didn't believe me and kept saying I was a day late for jokes. I'm glad I called my cousin first. Once they got over their shock they managed to be more supportive.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
So, um... results are in
I guess I'm sort of but maybe not pregnant.
Beta came back as an 11 which is pretty low. The nurse thinks that it is either a chemical or very late implantation. Second beta is scheduled for Monday.
I'm not sure how I feel right now because I think I'm still shocked that it sort of but didn't work.
Beta came back as an 11 which is pretty low. The nurse thinks that it is either a chemical or very late implantation. Second beta is scheduled for Monday.
I'm not sure how I feel right now because I think I'm still shocked that it sort of but didn't work.
Just waiting for the fat lady to finish warming up and start singing
BFN today and my beta is scheduled for tomorrow morning. I was hoping that I would see some blood today so I wouldn't have to waste my time getting blood drawn but no such luck. I'm going to be extra aggravated if I get up before the sun in order to be at the lab by 7am only to then get home and have AF arrive.
Monday, March 30, 2009
10 dpiui
I'm not sure I'm feeling it this cycle but I think that's mostly because I don't think it will ever happen. Not in a I'm so sad way but more of it hasn't happened yet and that's all I know way. I did start testing on Friday and so far not even a hint of anything other than BFNs. I know it's too early but since I don't find the negatives to be depressing this early and I would much rather know as soon as possible I don't mind wasting a few dollar store tests.
I've had a few possible symptoms that have caught my attention. I usually let my nephew visit the pet store after we go grocery shopping so he can check out the cute little critters and see if they have any new hamster toys for our caged friend. Today I had to leave after a few minutes and get some fresh air because it smelled too pet-ish and it was making me nauseous. I also winced a bit when I took my bra off tonight because it hurt when the fabric brushed my nipples. It's most likely nothing but I wanted to note it just in case.
The baby blanket I had to restart a few weeks ago because I dropped a whole mess of stitches off the needle is coming along nicely and I'm liking it better than I thought I would when I first started. I'm still not in love with the celery green color but maybe it will grow on me.
If this cycle doesn't work I'll have to purchase some more of my MIC (man in a can) and I'm trying to figure out if I have enough cash or if I have to take a short break. I really wanted to get my six out of pocket tries out of the way as quickly as possible (insurance kicks in after 6 attempts) and after all the other delays I just really don't want to take another break. It will be tight but I'm really leaning towards cutting lots of corners in the budget and sperming up next month. If it works I'll still have a shot at delivering in 2009 and the tax break will be most welcome.
I've had a few possible symptoms that have caught my attention. I usually let my nephew visit the pet store after we go grocery shopping so he can check out the cute little critters and see if they have any new hamster toys for our caged friend. Today I had to leave after a few minutes and get some fresh air because it smelled too pet-ish and it was making me nauseous. I also winced a bit when I took my bra off tonight because it hurt when the fabric brushed my nipples. It's most likely nothing but I wanted to note it just in case.
The baby blanket I had to restart a few weeks ago because I dropped a whole mess of stitches off the needle is coming along nicely and I'm liking it better than I thought I would when I first started. I'm still not in love with the celery green color but maybe it will grow on me.
If this cycle doesn't work I'll have to purchase some more of my MIC (man in a can) and I'm trying to figure out if I have enough cash or if I have to take a short break. I really wanted to get my six out of pocket tries out of the way as quickly as possible (insurance kicks in after 6 attempts) and after all the other delays I just really don't want to take another break. It will be tight but I'm really leaning towards cutting lots of corners in the budget and sperming up next month. If it works I'll still have a shot at delivering in 2009 and the tax break will be most welcome.
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