Monday, February 11, 2008

ready, set and just waiting for the go

I was excited about moving forward but instead another delay. ugh.

I met with the RE and I can't say I was too impressed. It was pretty clear that she didn't review my chart before I got there and spent most of the time reading the results of the tests I've had over the last year. She disagrees with my previous 3 gyns and wants to remove the fibroid before moving forward. So frustrating because surgery means that I wouldn't be able to start trying until August maybe July. Her hope is that removing the fibroid will open up the tubes and then I can try IUI's. We talked about my insurance coverage and even with my 18 months of old fashioned trying she said I would need to pay for the first 6 inseminations out of pocket. That doesn't seem right to me but I'll wait until we get to that point before challenging. Anyone have any experience in getting their insurance to kick in because you got credit for past trying? If the tubes stay blocked then it's off to IVFville for me and I'll be covered. I'm actually hoping that they will still be blocked so I can move right to IVF. That's twisted isn't it? I just don't want to waste anymore time so I would prefer going right for the hardcore methods.

I'm now waiting for my regular gyn to get back to me about scheduling the surgery. I've never had surgery before and I'm not looking forward to getting cut open. The only positive I'm finding in this whole thing is that since the fibroid is the size of a 20 week pregnancy I'm sure to lose inches and just maybe my favorite jeans will fit again.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Strange feeling this hope thing

My first meeting with the RE is tomorrow and I feel all nervous and excited like it's the first day of school and I'll finally be able to wear my new sneakers. I'm officially moving from 'thinker' to 'trying'. I've watched others make the leap before and they all said I would 'just know' when the time was right. I didn't really believe them because it all felt so overwhelming but the last few weeks I have felt ready. I still wish I wasn't going it alone but I've stopped dragging my feet hoping to miss the SMC bus because Mr. Right finally arrived. The HSG really gave me a much needed kick in the pants. Time for being wishy washy was over and if I wanted a family I was going to have to make it happen.

I've spent the last few weeks looking at donor profiles and I'm no longer rejecting donors based on a gut feeling of 'my type' my choice is all about what will offer a child the most information and as similar a background to mine as possible. I'm disappointed that the choices are so limited and I realize I'm going to have to discard some things from my wish list. Wouldn't it be great if you could just put in your order - Yes, I will have the dark brown hair, brown eyes, Portuguese with a splash of Irish please. What? it doesn't work that way?
The only non-negotiable is open id. I've narrowed it down to two banks and wish that I could combine the two. I like bank Xy because they offer life span photos and audio of interview sessions but their open id program just means that they will forward a letter from the child to the last known address of the donor. If the donor choses not to reply that is the end of it. Bank TSB*C has a better open id program because they will release the name and other identifying info at the child's request once they turn 18 but no photos. It also sounds like they make more of an effort to stay in touch with donors to update profiles. I'm leaning towards bank Xy because I imagine those photos will be priceless to a child trying to figure out who they look like.

I have also been holding off on committing to any travel plans past a few weeks out. I'm not putting my life on hold but I am trying to avoid purchasing non-refundable airline or cruise tickets.