Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Timing wish granted

3 Days down and 11 more to go of this TWW

I got lucky and the timing worked out for me this cycle.  I got a positive OPK on Saturday and IUI was on Sunday.  Testing was an adventure because I was out all day and had to do the OPK in a public restroom stall. Those digital tests take FOREVER and I wasn't really enjoying hanging out in the stall until it finally finished.  The long line of folks waiting to use the restroom weren't too happy about it either.  If they only knew why I was hogging the stall!

I really, really hope that it worked this time because I'm so ready to move past the TTC part.  If this cycle ends with a BFN I'll be sitting out December.  I just can't deal with all of the scheduling logistics in addition to the usual holiday stress and rushing around.  I'll also have to order more vials from the bank and I won't be able to do that until January.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Ready for round 2...if the timing is right

I was so disappointed that I got knocked out of the running a few days early and I didn't feel one tiny bit of relief.  I guess that means that I'm 100% on board for #2.

Fitting in an IUI this cycle is going to be rough.  I'm probably going to ovulate over the weekend and I might not be able to get out of work.  I would hate to skip a cycle now that I've gotten started.  Not to get too ahead of myself but the EDD for this cycle would be August and that would mean that my long distance sister would be able be here.  Skipping this month doesn't mean that I won't run into the same scheduling problem next cycle either so I'm going to have to figure out how to make it work.  Ugh!

Oh yeah, notice how I mentioned working?  I started a part-time job a few months ago.  I decided that I needed a practice job to get used to leaving Mr. O before jumping back into working a regular full-time job.  I absolutely realize how lucky I am to have been able to stay home with him for as long as I have but that doesn't make leaving him suck any less.  I only work a few days a week and my mother watches him for me.  That has been going ok but has been quite the lesson in learning to bite my tongue and let go of the little things.  She's great with him but let's just say that she has her own way of doing things (or not doing things!).  Mr. O enjoys his time with his Grandmother after about 3 or 4 hours he's ready for Mommy to come home.  He also doesn't like if I'm away for back to back days. 

I used my 11:11 on 11/11 wish to wish for not getting a postive opk until Saturday.  Let's hope it gets granted.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Unexpected and unwelcome

CD1 made a surprise early appearance so it's on to the next cycle.  Booooooo!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Getting all caught up

October had lots of forward movement on the TTC front.

I had called my RE's office in July and had an initial consult to find out what hoops I needed to jump through in order to be treated again.  I had to sign updated consent forms and my doctor wanted me to re-do all of the day 3 blood work and STD stuff.  My insurance doesn't cover fertility stuff so I went to see my regular ob/gyn and had her order the tests.  She also ordered an ultrasound to check on the fibroid I have hanging out on my uterus.  I had all of that done in August and everything came back fine. I benched myself in August and September for various reasons.   October started and once all of the impending ovulation signs showed up I just felt like this was the month.  I called the bank and purchased two vials on CD 9, I got a positive OPK on CD 12 and on CD 13 I had an IUI.  Just like that. 

I'm currently on day 9 of my TWW and I'm going to test maybe tomorrow but definitely Monday.  

And now I'm all caught up. 

oh and the TWW sucks just as much as I remember.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Thoughts about trying for 2

I actually started writing this a month ago -

Way back when I was still a thinker I spent a LOT of time thinking about becoming a SMC.  I really wanted to be a mother but I kept pushing out my deadline for making it happen on my own.  My reasons for delaying then were that I was still hoping that I would find a partner and that I was way too concerned about what other people would think (including my future child).  Once I worked through all those feelings and found peace with the fact that I was meant to walk this SMC path I couldn't wait to get started.  Every little delay was so painful and frustrating!  Now I wish that I could go back and tell my younger self to get over myself and get moving sooner!

I've spent some time thinking about adding another child to my family. I know that I want more than one child and I'm sure that if/when it happens that it will be wonderful. So why am I taking my sweet ol' time making it happen? Time I might add that I don't really have (I'm 40 and not getting any younger!).

The frustrating delays this time around have all been on me and I haven't been one tiny bit frustrated by them. I could have tried the last two cycles and I found a reason both times not to pursue it.  I'm already looking for reasons not to try next month.  Obviously I'm still not listening to Future Me because I'm sure I'll also look back and wish that I had started round two much sooner.

Why am I dragging my feet?

I'm loving the little life that I have right now with my Mr. O.  He's growing up so fast and I'm constantly wishing that I could freeze time.  Shaking our lives up in such a major way seems like it will take away from this little honeymoon period I have going on right now.

I'm not so much worried but I do think a little bit about what others might say about my choice to have another baby.  I have felt nothing but overwhelming support from my family and friends so I'm not sure why I think it would be anything different if I were to add another child.  I almost feel like they will think that I'm being greedy. Most likely that is just my own baggage that I'm projecting onto to others.

Financially I'm not in the best place right now but I'm not going to let that stop me.  Life can change in an instant and if I waited for the perfect time then I would still be thinking about having children and I wouldn't already be someones Mom.

Why am I so sure that my family isn't complete?

I really don't want my son to be an only child.  Anytime I think that I would be ok with just one child I think about how much I hate the thought of Mr. O not having any siblings. 

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

My thoughts on Donor Unknown

I hope that everyone who wanted to see Donor Unknown had the chance to do so.  I found it to be really interesting and well done.

While watching it I kept trying to imagine my son as part of the journey these kids were on.  I hung on their every word and expression looking for clues as to how he might feel in the future.  When they talked about their parents and how they were told about being donor conceived I focused even harder looking for tips on how to have those very same conversations in my family.  Tips for how to make sure my son would be ok with how he came to be.

I found it to be very reassuring to see that the kids were finding lots of comfort in getting to know other donor siblings.  It reinforced my thinking that reaching out and making contact with other families that used the same donor can only be a good thing for Mr. O.  

I loved the contrast of Jeffery talking about how he viewed his donations as calling out to souls with the tour of the donation rooms and how they got exceedingly graphic. It was nice to see that it wasn't just about the money for him and that he gave some thought to fact that life would be created from his samples.

I thought it was really clever how they showed the photo of Jeffery slowly loading on to the screen as the girl talked about how she recognized each feature as it came into view. It was a great metaphor for her journey of discovery. Each new clue or connection to the other half of her genetic identity was uncovered at the speed of an ancient dial up connection. The parents make their donor decision and then move on but these kids are searching and every little crumb of information is so valuable to them. The simplest details on a donor profile, recognizing their eyebrows on a half sibling or a photo of the donor.

What did you think?