Tuesday, November 1, 2011

My thoughts on Donor Unknown

I hope that everyone who wanted to see Donor Unknown had the chance to do so.  I found it to be really interesting and well done.

While watching it I kept trying to imagine my son as part of the journey these kids were on.  I hung on their every word and expression looking for clues as to how he might feel in the future.  When they talked about their parents and how they were told about being donor conceived I focused even harder looking for tips on how to have those very same conversations in my family.  Tips for how to make sure my son would be ok with how he came to be.

I found it to be very reassuring to see that the kids were finding lots of comfort in getting to know other donor siblings.  It reinforced my thinking that reaching out and making contact with other families that used the same donor can only be a good thing for Mr. O.  

I loved the contrast of Jeffery talking about how he viewed his donations as calling out to souls with the tour of the donation rooms and how they got exceedingly graphic. It was nice to see that it wasn't just about the money for him and that he gave some thought to fact that life would be created from his samples.

I thought it was really clever how they showed the photo of Jeffery slowly loading on to the screen as the girl talked about how she recognized each feature as it came into view. It was a great metaphor for her journey of discovery. Each new clue or connection to the other half of her genetic identity was uncovered at the speed of an ancient dial up connection. The parents make their donor decision and then move on but these kids are searching and every little crumb of information is so valuable to them. The simplest details on a donor profile, recognizing their eyebrows on a half sibling or a photo of the donor.

What did you think?


Tiara said...

Unfortunately I haven't been able to see it yet here in Canada but enjoy reading everyone elses views on it. Thanks for sharing

Navigating The Rapids said...

Jeffrey was a little odd so I thought good god how would I deal with L's donor being that loopy. What reassured me was the kids were well adjusted, and all seemed to handle it well. The one whose parents told her late in life seemed a bit bitter, and she didn't seem too thrilled about who the donor was. In a way I can't blame her. I'm not sure if the whole thing made me feel better or worse, but it did reinforce the fact that I need to be open with L and in tune to how she may feel about her origins in the future. That show was a big catalyst in my decision to try for #2.

Billy said...

[haven't seen it]
My daughter's donor is totally anonymous, without the ability to ever finding out. It will be also very hard to find half siblings if/when she wants to*. I will always feel this pinch in my heart for denying any knowlegde of the identity of her other half (but open sperm here is only from abroad and was/is way too expensive for me). That being said, as most SMCs here used closed donor sperms (like me), I'm looking at their kids. They mostly, or at least on the outside appear to, grow without this big hole of who their other half is. And I very much think it is also the environment in which a child grows - if he grows with connection to at least his half siblings, he has that (missing) second half of his in mind. But if he grows without such knowledge, then maybe it is not such a big hole. Or so I am very much hoping.

*no codes etc. they make it hard as we are a small country and finding half siblings might very easily bring to discovering who the donor was.