Friday, November 4, 2011

Thoughts about trying for 2

I actually started writing this a month ago -

Way back when I was still a thinker I spent a LOT of time thinking about becoming a SMC.  I really wanted to be a mother but I kept pushing out my deadline for making it happen on my own.  My reasons for delaying then were that I was still hoping that I would find a partner and that I was way too concerned about what other people would think (including my future child).  Once I worked through all those feelings and found peace with the fact that I was meant to walk this SMC path I couldn't wait to get started.  Every little delay was so painful and frustrating!  Now I wish that I could go back and tell my younger self to get over myself and get moving sooner!

I've spent some time thinking about adding another child to my family. I know that I want more than one child and I'm sure that if/when it happens that it will be wonderful. So why am I taking my sweet ol' time making it happen? Time I might add that I don't really have (I'm 40 and not getting any younger!).

The frustrating delays this time around have all been on me and I haven't been one tiny bit frustrated by them. I could have tried the last two cycles and I found a reason both times not to pursue it.  I'm already looking for reasons not to try next month.  Obviously I'm still not listening to Future Me because I'm sure I'll also look back and wish that I had started round two much sooner.

Why am I dragging my feet?

I'm loving the little life that I have right now with my Mr. O.  He's growing up so fast and I'm constantly wishing that I could freeze time.  Shaking our lives up in such a major way seems like it will take away from this little honeymoon period I have going on right now.

I'm not so much worried but I do think a little bit about what others might say about my choice to have another baby.  I have felt nothing but overwhelming support from my family and friends so I'm not sure why I think it would be anything different if I were to add another child.  I almost feel like they will think that I'm being greedy. Most likely that is just my own baggage that I'm projecting onto to others.

Financially I'm not in the best place right now but I'm not going to let that stop me.  Life can change in an instant and if I waited for the perfect time then I would still be thinking about having children and I wouldn't already be someones Mom.

Why am I so sure that my family isn't complete?

I really don't want my son to be an only child.  Anytime I think that I would be ok with just one child I think about how much I hate the thought of Mr. O not having any siblings. 


Tiara said...

It would be such a big step & huge change...I like what you said about listening to your future self. Try not to worry about what anyone else will think & focus only on you & O.

Navigating The Rapids said...

I don't have a lot of support for #2 except from my mother, still can't figure that one out. I can barely afford it and physically, dealing with two kids is going to be beyond exhausting. I too don't like thinking about L being an only child, but if that's the case I'm more okay with it now than I was a few months ago. Maybe the lack of support has affected my confidence in my ability to do this on my own with two.

Tanya said...

No one made any negetive comments about me trying for #2. I did get a few surprised looks but that was about the extent of it. After I got pregnant again I actually had people ask me if I was going to have more.

I really wanted Warren to have a sibling. Once I finally told him I had a baby in my tummy he was so excited he started telling people he was going to have a little sister! He wouldn't listen to any ifs, ands or buts about it.

He was thrilled when his new BROTHER arrived. 16 months later he still adores Grant and the feeling is mutual.

There are moments that I miss the closeness that we had when it was only the two of us... but I wouldn't trade the relationship they have with one another for a minute.