Wednesday, February 25, 2009

It's a fine line between crazy and thinking positive


The TWW really is torture. I've made myself crazy during past TWWs and imagined that I really was experiencing pregnancy symptoms. This time around I'm trying not to obsess too much but it's tough. I spent too much time last night searching for the answer to how soon does your body know when it's knocked up. I couldn't find anything before implantation but I would think that there must be some kind of chemical or hormonal change that occurs when fertilization happens. How else would some women be feeling pregnancy symptoms from 1dpo?

I made it through CD27&28 with no sign of blood so everyday now is a bonus in this wacky cycle. It's a fine line between crazy and thinking positive. I'll feel foolish if I get my hopes up because of a few cramps, twinges, yawns or nausea causing odors only to be proven very wrong when that BFP is a no show.

I started to knit a baby blanket today but I can already tell that I'm not going to like it. It's only my third project (the first two being scarfs or is that scarves?) and my first attempt at following a basic pattern.

Monday, February 23, 2009

2 days down 12 to go

My IUI was scheduled for 8am Saturday. I was up before the alarm and spent those extra minutes thinking about how these were my last moments of before. Before, using a donor was just an option. Before, creating a child on my own was just the plan. I was about to jump off the before ledge and land in the after. Hoping of course that this after would involve being a mother. I took an extra long shower and put on what I hope will be lucky pumpkin socks. I arrived at the clinic and had to wait about 30 minutes for the vial to warm up. When I finally got called back to exam room to undress I started to get really anxious so I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths while reminding myself why I was doing this (baby, baby, baby). The nurse showed me how small the catheter was and said that it should feel just like a pap smear. A few scootches down, an uncomfortable speculum and a pinch later it was done. Nurse sperminator said that Mic had good motility and I had lots of good looking fertile mucus. The whole thing only took a few minutes. I felt all tingly and spent much of the day trying to visualize those swimmers finding their way to my egg. I did feel mild cramps all day and the catheter must have loosened up the mucus because I saw lots of it for myself.

My period would normally be due tomorrow or Wednesday but because I ovulated so much later this cycle who knows when it will show up. Beta is scheduled for 3/6 if I make it that long.

I'm only 2 days in and I'm trying not to get too crazy with obsessing over every little twinge and pinch but it's tough. I hate the wait and second guessing what my body is doing. I was talking to my maybe baby earlier today and I surprised myself that 1) I was talking to myself and 2) by getting a little teared up when I referred to myself as mommy. I know, I know, it's goofy.

Friday, February 20, 2009


CD23 and finally a positive.
I gave up on the digitals earlier in the week and have been testing with just the line comparison kit. I was going to give up after today and just wait until next month. 11am - nothing. 2pm - a dark test line! I dug out the new box of digitals and confirmed it with a smiley face! IUI is scheduled for 8am tomorrow.

I'm glad to have a shot at it this month but I'm not too hopeful that it will work. I'm worried that my period will still show up around CD27/28. I decided to go for it anyway since at the very least it will count towards my 6 tries before insurance kicks in.

The 2ww kicks off tomorrow morning!

Saturday, February 14, 2009


That is what the stick keeps telling me. Still no surge.

The additional $600 was for complete monitoring during the entire cycle. I didn't bother asking them to break it down so that I could pick just the blood test for detecting the surge. I figured that it was so late in the cycle that I might as well save my money and just wait it out. I have one more digital OPK and a handful of the line comparison ones that I'll use up but I don't expect to get a positive.

I'm so disappointed that I have to wait until next month.

Friday, February 13, 2009

No smiley face today

Day 15 and still nothing. I spoke to the nurse at the clinic and she said I had the option of blood tests and ultrasounds for an additional 600 bucks. I decided to keep peeing on my $60 worth of OPKs for a few more days. I just couldn't justify spending the money to switch to a monitored cycle so late in game when there is no guarantee that I will actually ovulate this month (if I haven't already). Doesn't it just figure that after all this time and all those delays I get a bum cycle.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Here eggie, eggie, eggie

CD 14 and no sign of ovulating. No cm and no positive OPK.
I've been using two different OPK brands all week and not even a hint of a positive. I think I'm feeling O cramps tonight and I'm so worried that I missed my egg. Last month (you know the one I had to sit out because of that stupid rube.lla shot) I had a perfect cycle with lots of mucus and a hard to ignore +OPK. If I don't see a smiley face tomorrow I'll have to call the clinic and ask for a blood test. I wonder if that will be covered or out of pocket? I really hope I get a positive tomorrow.

I got an email from the woman that was so helpful at the bank letting me know that my new vials had shipped. She also told me that she got a taste of how difficult and unpleasant my doctor's office is to work with and wished me luck. I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one who thinks that they could be nicer.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

I got lucky

I talked to the bank and they were very cool about the whole thing. I think the woman that I spoke to felt a little bad for me because she could tell I was fighting back a flood of tears. They said that if the seal on the tank wasn't broken that they would just take back the vials and then send me new ones. If the seal was broken they wouldn't be able to restock the vials so I might be out the money but she was willing to plead my case to her boss and see if she could get him to eat the cost and just swap the vials. She was so nice and understanding.

Good news from the clinic was that the seal hadn't been broken yet. Phew! I called the nice lady at the bank back and she already shipped out the new donor vials so that I would have them on Monday and made all the arrangements to have the other vials shipped back to them. They waived the restocking fee and didn't make me pay the price increase difference that just went in to effect this week for the vials. The only thing I have to pay for is the shipping charge for the new vials.

I didn't have enough time to wait until I knew my status before making a decision. If I'm also positive I might have been able to insist on using that donor but I got the feeling from talking to the nurse that it was going to be a tough battle. If I turn out to be negative I'm not sure I would have risked exposure so in the end it was better to just make the switch. I'm a little sad because I was kind of attached to my first choice and felt really good about the decision.

Friday, February 6, 2009

costly mistake

I made a stupid, stupid rookie mistake when ordering my vials. My donor is cmv positive and I didn't know what that meant until my clinic just called and said that it was a virus.
I feel like such an idiot for just assuming that it wasn't something to worry about and didn't even bother to find out what it meant before purchasing. My clinic said that it had to be returned and I have to go in for blood work today. They also said that this cycle might have to be cancelled if I can't get everything straighted out quickly.

This means that I'm going to lose all that money because it clearly said he was cmv positive and I bought it anyway doesn't it? I bought 2 vials and had them shipped so I'm double screwed.

I can't believe this.

My debit card is sizzling

Did anyone else get all excited tracking their sperm while it was being shipped? Mic arrived safe and sound at the clinic on Wednesday. I clapped to myself when I saw the delivery confirmation online. I've already paid the clinic for the IUI so now I'm just waiting to ovulate. I'm guessing that Friday the 13th will be IUI day. If this works baby will be arriving around Halloween so I'm going to look at F13 as a lucky day since it's kind of spooky - just like Halloween.

Has anyone asked to keep the empty vial after an IUI? I heard about on the Donor Sibling Registry message board. It looks like they can use the vials to test for genetic markers and see if they have any matches in their database. I want to ask to keep the vial just in case I want to do that in the future. I betting that the clinic won't want me to have it.

Thanks for the distraction suggestions. I had no idea you could play solitaire online. I play a few hands on my iPod every night before I fall asleep. Now I can play without running down the iPod battery.

Someone on the SMC yahoo group posted this link to a NY Times article about SMC families that was pretty interesting. It was great to read about fellow SMCs helping each other out and vacationing together.