2 days down 12 to go

My IUI was scheduled for 8am Saturday. I was up before the alarm and spent those extra minutes thinking about how these were my last moments of before. Before, using a donor was just an option. Before, creating a child on my own was just the plan. I was about to jump off the before ledge and land in the after. Hoping of course that this after would involve being a mother. I took an extra long shower and put on what I hope will be lucky pumpkin socks. I arrived at the clinic and had to wait about 30 minutes for the vial to warm up. When I finally got called back to exam room to undress I started to get really anxious so I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths while reminding myself why I was doing this (baby, baby, baby). The nurse showed me how small the catheter was and said that it should feel just like a pap smear. A few scootches down, an uncomfortable speculum and a pinch later it was done. Nurse sperminator said that Mic had good motility and I had lots of good looking fertile mucus. The whole thing only took a few minutes. I felt all tingly and spent much of the day trying to visualize those swimmers finding their way to my egg. I did feel mild cramps all day and the catheter must have loosened up the mucus because I saw lots of it for myself.

My period would normally be due tomorrow or Wednesday but because I ovulated so much later this cycle who knows when it will show up. Beta is scheduled for 3/6 if I make it that long.

I'm only 2 days in and I'm trying not to get too crazy with obsessing over every little twinge and pinch but it's tough. I hate the wait and second guessing what my body is doing. I was talking to my maybe baby earlier today and I surprised myself that 1) I was talking to myself and 2) by getting a little teared up when I referred to myself as mommy. I know, I know, it's goofy.