1/2 Year

6 months already! I truly can't believe it's been 6 months since I first held mr. itty bitty baby O. We're now zooming our way towards him being a year old and I find myself trying to push the brakes and slow this growing up train down. I finally started sorting through his clothes and packing away the NB sizes that barely fit his head never mind his body. It was a little sad and I'm going to miss a few of those outfits.

6 months in and there a few things that I wish I could go back and do differently. Mostly I wish I had done a better job of capturing and recording those little moments.

Blog more! either here or somewhere. I had started out keeping track of O's days in a notebook so that I could transfer it to a baby book, blog or journal type thing later on. The first 3 months are well recorded but after that I started slacking.

More photos! I don't take enough pictures of the baby. I have lots but there have been some weeks that I don't take a single photo. The horror! I really try to just enjoy and really be in the moments but I need to do a better job of getting in some "cheese" too.

Monthly photos! When I was pregnant I thought a lot about the monthly baby photo. Heck I was even planning on doing a daily photo! Should it be in the same chair? Next to the same stuffed animal or other object? at the same time of day? and on and on. Once O arrived I was so overwhelmed and just never settled on what I wanted to do so it never happened. Starting with this month I'm going to do something like this:

Coming up this week: Mr. O's first taste of real food! I'm going to skip the cereals and give Baby Led Weaning (BLW) a try. I'll let you know how it goes!

Wonderful Wizard of Headers and Announcements!

I searched all over the internet for the perfect baby announcement. Wait, make that the perfect announcement that didn't cost more than a week's supply of diapers! I wasn't loving the cookie cutter photo announcement options at the usual photo sites. I took a tour around Et.sy and almost purchased some that were almost what I wanted when I remembered that there was plenty of talent right here in our own SMC backyard. Calliope from CreatingMotherhood! The wizard of awesome blog headers has mad photo skillz! I contacted her via her blog and asked if she would be willing to design my announcements and I was thrilled when she agreed (and think her talent is worth more than she charged). I told her that I was looking for something that used some of my favorite photos, had swoopy letters and was sort of Wiz.ard of O.zish. She whipped up some magic and Tah Dah they were perfect! I uploaded the file to a photo site and had them printed for less than a day's worth of diapers! My friends and family loved them and I love that I was able to support a fellow SMCer's art. If you're looking for some announcements or something similar drop her a note and see if she can help you out.

An afternoon with the grandparents

Today I visited my grandmother and she was loving on Mr. O big time! He got lots and lots of kisses and coochie coochie coos from his Nana. She's going to be 86 in a few weeks and even though she's been slowing down these last few years Mr. O's tiny toes and giggles always perk her right up. We had a lovely afternoon and after we said our goodbyes and I pulled out of her street I found myself driving to see my other grandparents.

It had been a long time since I had been to visit so I had to drive up and down the tiny little lanes a few times. There were so many new additions and the small little saplings that I had in mind as landmarks had now grown taller than me.

I was about to give up and try again another day when I spotted my grandfather's headstone. I'm glad I found him first because while our relationship wasn't particularly a close one there were never any bad feelings. He was always happy to see me and the memories I do have of him are good ones. My father's father died when I was in college and I regret that I never made more of an effort to get to know who my grandfather was as a person. I took Mr. O out of the car and introduced him to his great grandfather. I told O a few stories about my V.o.Vo and took a photo to send to my Dad of his grandson meeting his father. Some might think that's odd but my Dad will love it.

My mother's parents are in the next row over and I wasn't sure I wanted to visit until I got to their headstone. My relationship with them is complicated and painful. My grandmother was a wonderful grandmother and I only ever felt extremely loved and cherished by her. She died when I was 13 and it was devastating. Years after her death I learned some things that really made me see her in a whole new way. I struggle with my feelings for the woman I knew as my beloved Gram and how I feel about her now that I know the truth about the woman who was my mother's mother. I told her that I didn't forgive her for not protecting her babies from her husband but that I also remember how much she loved me. I told her I was there to honor that love and I introduced her to my son. Even with all of my conflicting feelings of love, loss, anger and disappointment it was a really powerful moment for me. Oh, and I cried. I cried because just for a moment I let go of the anger and hate and I just missed my Gram and I wish she was here to snuggle my baby and love on him. Poor Mr. O's head was soaked. I then promised my boy that I would always keep him safe and that no one would ever hurt him if I had a breath left in my body. I told her that is what a mother is supposed to do and said my goodbyes.

Are those my toes?

Mr. O turned 4 months old last week and he's been racking up the firsts ever since. He learns a new trick just about every day.

He rolled over from his back to his front. It's funny and sad because he puts so much effort in to the rolling over and then gets so mad when he finds himself on his belly. This new skill of course means that I have to be more careful about where he hangs out because he no longer just stays where I put him.

His Gram was teaching him how to blow raspberries the other day. He will do his version of it back if you do it first.

He will hold his foot during diaper changes or if I hold up his leg for him to grab it. He's not really sure what to do with it yet but I'm sure it's just a matter of time before he tries to shove those toes in mouth.

Baby boy has gotten really nosy! In the last few days he will get distracted while nursing. Up until now nothing could disturb him while he was eating. He will pop off and take a look around if he hears a new noise or is just curious about a shadow.

It's only been 4 months but he's already changed so much from that teeny tiny little love bug. It really does go by very quickly. Too quickly!

Bloggy thoughts

I've been thinking about the blog lately and trying to decide what I want to say in this space. I currently have 3 or 4 posts sitting unpublished in the draft folder because I've gotten stuck on what is my story to tell and what parts belong to Mr. O. I thought about starting a new blog that would be all about the day to day with baby and keep this space to talk about non baby but still SMC type things. Then I realized how crazy that would be because I barely have time for one blog never mind keeping two updated and on topic.

Then today I had a light bulb moment....

The problem isn't who the story parts belong to it's the fact that more open I am about the day to day stuff the greater the risk that my barely secret identity would unravel. I want to be more open but I don't want my family tripping over the internet on their way to face.bo.ok and finding my blog. I don't talk about them much over here but I decided to look over older posts and edit out any parts that would cause a family drama fest and then get on with the posting.


In other news Mr. O is 4 months old as of yesterday! How does that happen?!

One year of you

Birthdays are how folks usually acknowledge their time on earth but today feels like an extra special day that should be celebrated too because one year ago today my Mr. O began. My sweet baby boy has existed for exactly one year and I have been his mom for exactly one year (it would be another 11 days before I knew he was in there). All babies are amazing little miracles but it just blows my mind that in that instant of egg meeting sperm my boy was created and so much of who he is and will become started in that moment. There won't be presents and cake but I can't imagine not marking this day in some way each year. Tonight his bedtime story was all about how he came to be. I'm still struggling with what language to use (donor, sperm, man in a can, nice person who helped make you...) but I know that with practice it will get easier and I'll find the words that will work for us.

mmmm, pie

A few weeks ago I celebrated the last birthday of my 30's.

My birthday weekend was low key and wonderful. Saturday was spent doing some outlet shopping in Maine, O getting his first look at the ocean and eating chocolate chip cookie dough pie(me not O). I make the drive up to this particular diner every year for my birthday just for the pie... and yes it is every bit as delicious as it looks (I blogged about this pie last year and probably said the same thing)!

On my actual birthday it was the sweetest thing to just wake up and see my baby smiling at me. Every year for quite a few years now I've wished for a baby while blowing out my birthday candles this year with O on my lap I couldn't think of a thing to wish for in that moment. (Not sure if I'll leave this photo up but for now here I am just before blowing out the candle)

May was a pretty busy month that started and ended with trips that required flying. I'll write more about that later but tomorrow I have a special post coming to celebrate a first anniversary/birthday of sorts. In fact I have a few posts brewing and some even written in draft form so there just might be a posting frenzy over here in the coming days - that is of course if baby gifts me with a nap or two that last longer than 15 minutes.