It's been a busy few weeks. Choosing a donor, looking for a dark line and a side trip to somewhere warm.
I've looked at donors before and just gotten stuck. Unable to make a decision and unable to move forward. Not this time! I'm so much more comfortable and confident on this path and I think that really made the difference when it came time to pick a donor. I wanted open ID, adult photo, similar ethnic background, bonus info that can be purchased at a later time and an essay that didn't creep me out. Once I narrowed down my choices I checked out the donor sibling registry to see if there were already matches. I took one off the list because there were no matches and one because there were too many. I'm now trying to decide between my top 2.
Pros: looks the most like my family, has more bonus info, is older than me and is married with children of his own.
Con: The essay kind of creeps me out but only a little
I feel like the fact that he is older and has children means that he will be more likely to make himself available to answer any questions when the child comes of age.
Pros: The essay makes him seem like a normal guy and if I have a child who is going to fixate on every word available I can live with what was written. There are some clues in the essay and photos.
Con: Not as much bonus info. It will be interesting to see who has the dominate genes when it comes to hair and eye color.
I think I got a sign directing me to pick #2. I was in the airport last week and as I was rushing to my gate past all the people I was thinking about how strange it is that one of them could be the donor or know the donor. I found myself wondering if that is what my child might be thinking anytime they were in a crowd. I then saw someone walking toward me with a sweatshirt from the same college town that I suspect #2 came from. It was very surreal.
Oh, and major con: Holy Smokes is it expensive! I knew it was expensive to use a donor but now that I'm actually forking over the cash I'm just ill with the thought of it not working and wasting all that money. I'm also very annoyed at the evil extra fees. It just seems like they take advantage at every opportunity.
I took Pepper and Jess's advice and tried to find a positive with OPKs. I tried the match the intensity of the color of the line to another line type and I'm 90% sure I caught the surge correctly. I do admit that after so many BFNs I got a little too excited that I peed on something that turned positive. I've been really anxious about getting the timing right next month so I decided to spend a little extra and get the digital smiley face OPKs. I'm planning on using the compare the color of the line tests and confirming with the digital. What's another $60 for OPKs when I'm spending a gazillion on sperm.
I went to visit my little nephew last weekend in Florida and he drew lots of pictures of me holding babies. He has a friend with a new baby sister so he's got babies on the brain (just like me!). Lets hope the 4 year old's drawings bring me some luck.
I'm getting really excited to finally be back to trying. I'm finding it to be almost impossible to contain the hope of it working. I really want it to work. I have enough in my savings to cover one try with out it hurting the household budget too much. I'm already 5 steps ahead and thinking how wonderful it would be to have an October birthday. It's going to be a long month.
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