The diagnosis aka baby's first curve ball

Now that the introduction is out of the way I'll fill in the details.

Pregnancy was tough. I struggled physically and emotionally the entire time. So much was going on and I wanted to share but every time I sat down to write about what was going on I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't write these words... My son has Do.wn sy.ndro.me. 

I had said that I wanted to blog more during the pregnancy because I wanted to remember all the details.  I just couldn't do it after I got the diagnosis.  The emotions were too big and too raw.  I didn't want to hear 'I'm sorry'.  I'm not sorry.  He's amazing!  I was/am so very worried about the journey ahead of us and the incredible task I have of being battle ready and making sure he gets everything he needs to succeed.

I was nauseous constantly and had a really hard time keeping food in my stomach.  I thought it was miserable when I was pregnant with Mr. O but this time around it was even worse.  I felt so terrible all the time and tried to stay as still as possible. Not an easy thing to do with a toddler! 

The emotional stuff was even tougher.  My NT scan and blood work was done in late February when I was about 11 weeks.  The scan looked ok but the blood work came back that my odds for having a baby with Ds was 1:4.  I found out there was some concern when the hospital called me to schedule an amnio and genetic counseling.  The poor lady on the phone! Usually the news comes first from your doctor and this was just the beginning of how they mishandled things.  When I called the doctor's office to find out why they had referred me she told me the results and really pushed hard for additional testing.  I told her that I wanted to wait and see if there were additional markers at the level II ultrasound closer to 20 weeks because I wasn't going to use the information to make any decisions and I'm not all that fond of large needles.  She continued to push for finding out for sure now so that I could consider terminating because I'm a single mom and needed to think of my other child.  Why I didn't hang up and immediately find a new doctor I just don't know!  ( I did switch obs later)

I thought about it for a few days and decided that waiting until 20 weeks was going to make me crazy.  I wanted to know either way now so that I could either stop worrying or start preparing. I would also be able to find out sooner if baby was going to be a boy or a girl.   I had a CVS test done at a high risk practice in a big hospital.  The staff was amazing.  The doctor was so kind and I liked him immediately even though he was poking me with a giant needle.  The results were back a few days later and baby was a boy and he did have Ds. 

Initially the news was heart breaking and it took some time to find my balance.  I'm still stumbling a bit from time to time.  There were lots of tears and guilt.  Thankfully most of my fears were based on lack of knowledge. I didn't really know anything about Ds and most of what I thought I knew was based on outdated stereotypes.  The more I found out the less tragic it seemed.   What Ds looks like today is so different than 40 years ago.  Heck, even 10 years ago.  Early intervention has made such a difference on outcomes that there is no reason to doubt that my little guy will be able to do anything that he's willing to work hard for.  College? Absolutely!  Marriage?  Heck, maybe he'll manage to succeed where I've failed! 

Now that he's here I can honestly say that I rarely think about his extra chromosome. He's just a baby and just like any other baby his future is a bright shiny unknown of amazing potential. 

Introducing Baby Brother

Baby brother decided to make a surprise early appearance and was born at 33 weeks on July 20.  This little guy has been full of surprises from the beginning and seems to enjoy shaking things up and challenging me in mostly delightful but sometimes terrifying ways.  He spent 8.3 long weeks in the NICU flirting with nurses and I'm just so grateful to finally have him home and healthy. 

Countdown has begun

Baby's arrival has been scheduled and he will be making his big debut on Aug 22.  I only have 9 weeks to decide on a name and get everything ready.  I had another ultrasound last week and baby is looking good.  They will do another growth scan next month to make sure that he's still growing like he should.   I've finally stopped feeling nauseous all the time and only threw up 3 times this past week.  Woo Hoo! 

Mr. O's newborn clothes have made it out of storage so that I can go through them and see what will be seasonally appropriate for baby brother.  I also need to find a coming home outfit - not too fancy but not too lame. I'm not having much luck so far.

Block Incident Resolution: Mr. O finally put his blocks away on the 5th day and since then he's been much more agreeable about putting something away before taking out the next toy. 

Life with a toddler

I've been working on getting Mr. O to clean up his toys and put them away before moving on to the next play thing.  He's not in agreement with this crazy idea of mine.

We are currently on day 3 of the Block Incident.  He was playing with blocks the other day and then wanted to move on to puzzles.  I told him that he could have the puzzles after he put the blocks away.  He told me that he didn't want to put the blocks away and asked a few more times for the puzzles.  I just kept telling him that he could have them once the blocks were put away.  We've done the same back and forth now for 3 days.  The blocks are still all over the floor and he hasn't gotten to play with puzzles.  He totally gets what is going on but he's waiting it out to see if I'll crack first.  I almost did tonight after he fell asleep but I'm kind of amused and curious to see how long it will be until he cracks.



and I just realized that I got the colors mixed up in my last post.  Mr. O knows the correct color (or object) he just wants you to agree with him so he can correct you.


Dr. appt with new OB tomorrow and they will be doing an ultrasound to check on baby brother's growth.  Can't wait to get another peek at the little guy.

24 Weeks

Wow, already 24 weeks.  This time around things seems to be going along much quicker.
I had planned on blogging more because I wish that I had done so the first time but so far it hasn't happened.  Just like last time I'm still dealing with lots of nausea and vomiting.  It's so not pleasant.

I'm going on the hospital tour tomorrow and it seems crazy that I'm already checking those kinds of things off of my list.  I have lots that I want to get done before the baby arrives and 3ish months seems like forever and too fast all at the same time. 

Mr. O is growing and amazing me every day.  The stuff that comes out of his mouth lately is hilarious.  He's even started telling jokes.  He'll point to something like a red car and declare it blue.  I'll tell him that it's red but he'll insist that it's blue.  I'll give in after a few attempts and say "you're right, it's blue" then the little comedian will giggle and say "No mama, it's RED". 

Oh and yes, baby is going to be another boy!  I'm sad that I won't be able to stock up on cute dresses and hair bows but a baby brother is a wonderful thing.

I never intend for it to be so long between posts!

I'm currently 15 weeks pregnant so I guess those beta results were good enough.  Morning sickness (ALL DAY!) kicked in a few weeks earlier this time around and good grief it has been miserable.  It's been really difficult to function while always feeling like I'm going to toss my cookies.  I eat things based on how easy it will be to puke them up later because odds are I will.  Poor Mr. O will hear me in the bathroom and shout out "You ok, mama?  Why are you crying?". 

Other than that baby is growing and doing well.  Every time I get a peek at him on the ultrasound he's very active and dancing all over the place. 

I really wish that I had blogged more when I was pregnant last time so I'm really going to try harder to be more active here this time around. 

Results from beta #2

13 dpo = 30
15 dpo = 79
doubling time of 34.36 hours

I'm thrilled that it did slightly better than double but I'm still not convinced that this one is going to stick around.

The nurse I spoke to today was in no mood to entertain thoughts of a viability scan.  She kept telling me that I wouldn't be able to see anything because it was too early.  I told her I wasn't asking for one now but for her to schedule one for 2ish weeks from now.  She didn't even care that the doctor had already signed off on it.  She told me that I could ask the doctor myself when I see her at my first appt on the 27th.   I don't think I like her.

I'm not really feeling any different other than some cramping and things smelling weird.