Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Now She Knows

I decided to just rip the bandage off and get it over with - I told my mother. I told her the day before I left the country for a week so I wouldn't have to deal with any of the immediate fall out. It went well but my concern was never that she wouldn't support me because I knew that she wasn't going to be upset. Well, I knew she wasn't going to be upset with my choice just upset that I hadn't told her sooner. My mother has a way of making most things all about her and to her credit she did pull back on the wounded act when she started to go down that path. She reminded me that there was nothing that I could tell her that she wouldn't support completely. She only wants me to be happy.

She was surprised that I had been working towards having a child for as long as I have and asked a few way too personal questions - she actually referenced 'experimenting' with an old boyfriend. Ick. I let her know that those kinds of details were off limits and she was also not going to be involved in donor shopping. I told her that I absolutely did not want her discussing my business with anyone that she didn't first ask me if it was ok to do so with. I tried to explain that this information belong to her future grandchildren and was not a topic for her gossipy friends. She's done better with it than I expected but she has blabbed to one or two people that weren't on the approved list.

I realize that I'm lucky to have the support of my family but sometimes it can be a little smothering. My mother is now in action mode and is insisting on being present for all of my Dr. appointments. I find it annoying because I'm the type of person who likes to take care of things myself and process any information for myself before sharing with others. I was able to reschedule my HSG for tomorrow and my mother is just not listening when I tell her that I prefer to go by myself. The last time I was seriously rocked by the news that my tubes were blocked and I didn't for a minute regret going by myself because I needed some time to cry alone and crumble. I don't know what the results are going to be but either way I want to be able to have my reaction in private before dealing with anyone else's reaction, assistance, comfort, etc. She's not willing to let me do this my way because she's super supportive mom out to prove that she's there for me (and that she should have been involved from the beginning). It's too late to do anything about it for tomorrow's test but lesson learned. I won't be telling her about future appointments unless I don't mind her being there.


Tanya said...

Eck! I hate that moms think we're still little kids. I think my mom would be totally disgusted at the thought of going to an appointment with me... she just about had a fit when she heard her sister was in the delivery room with my cousin so that was one less thing I had to worry about.

As much as it seems kind of silly sometimes, I think you're totally right to keep her in the dark about upcoming appointments.

Billy said...

I'm happy you are out and your mother knows, but... couldn't she just know without telling people you don't want yet to know?? or couldn't she just know without trying to too helpful??
I can totaly sympathize with having a mother who thinks she is doing all she can for her child, when in fact she is doing more for herself, for her feeling of being a good mother, not really having her daughter's needs in mind. And I agree with you on not telling her about appointments and procedures. It is nice that she wants to go with you and be there for you, but if it doesn't suit you, she should let go (and if she can't then don't let her know).

And good luck on the HSG! Hope they find nothing and that it doesn't hurt!

Jo said...

Once I told my mom, I figured the weirdest part would be talking about the inseminations and all that...so I made her say the word "sperm" ten times in a row (I did it first) just to take the bleck out of it. Not sure it worked...:)

I agree, don't tell her about the appointments until after!!

Dying to know how it went for you. I hope well. very well....!

Pepper said...

Good for you! Sometimes I put things off for so long that the accompanying dread far outweighs the actual deed. At least you don't have that on your mind anymore. One less thing to worry about is definitely a good thing.

How did the procedure go? I hope it went well.