Open for business

The HSG went well. It took a few minutes for the dye to spill but in the end both sides are clear.
Honestly, I'm actually disappointed. If they were still blocked then my insurance would kick in immediately and the plan for what needed to happen next was clearly laid out. I know that IVF is not anyone's idea of a good time but it was the path my brain was already half way down. Now I feel like I'm back where I started 2 years ago and I'm unsure what the next step is. I want to start trying this next cycle in order to take advantage of the fertility boost that an HSG can give but I'm not sure if I'll have all the details in place in time. I have maybe 3 weeks before I ovulate again but I haven't decided on a donor or where to go for the IUI's. Paying for everything? Yeah, that's another detail made more difficult by the fact that I just got laid off. I was at my now former job for over 10 years so I got a pretty decent severance package but now isn't the best time to be taking on the additional expense of trying to get pregnant. Postponing really isn't an option for me. I'm really feeling like I've already waited too long and the fibroid detour has already taken up too much precious time.

and how did it go with my mother? She came with me and asked if I wanted her to be in the room for the test. The first time I shouted 'Absolutely Not!' wasn't enough to keep her from asking 2 more times. She was just so pleased with herself for being there.

Next step: find a place to do IUI's that won't cost me a fortune.

Now She Knows

I decided to just rip the bandage off and get it over with - I told my mother. I told her the day before I left the country for a week so I wouldn't have to deal with any of the immediate fall out. It went well but my concern was never that she wouldn't support me because I knew that she wasn't going to be upset. Well, I knew she wasn't going to be upset with my choice just upset that I hadn't told her sooner. My mother has a way of making most things all about her and to her credit she did pull back on the wounded act when she started to go down that path. She reminded me that there was nothing that I could tell her that she wouldn't support completely. She only wants me to be happy.

She was surprised that I had been working towards having a child for as long as I have and asked a few way too personal questions - she actually referenced 'experimenting' with an old boyfriend. Ick. I let her know that those kinds of details were off limits and she was also not going to be involved in donor shopping. I told her that I absolutely did not want her discussing my business with anyone that she didn't first ask me if it was ok to do so with. I tried to explain that this information belong to her future grandchildren and was not a topic for her gossipy friends. She's done better with it than I expected but she has blabbed to one or two people that weren't on the approved list.

I realize that I'm lucky to have the support of my family but sometimes it can be a little smothering. My mother is now in action mode and is insisting on being present for all of my Dr. appointments. I find it annoying because I'm the type of person who likes to take care of things myself and process any information for myself before sharing with others. I was able to reschedule my HSG for tomorrow and my mother is just not listening when I tell her that I prefer to go by myself. The last time I was seriously rocked by the news that my tubes were blocked and I didn't for a minute regret going by myself because I needed some time to cry alone and crumble. I don't know what the results are going to be but either way I want to be able to have my reaction in private before dealing with anyone else's reaction, assistance, comfort, etc. She's not willing to let me do this my way because she's super supportive mom out to prove that she's there for me (and that she should have been involved from the beginning). It's too late to do anything about it for tomorrow's test but lesson learned. I won't be telling her about future appointments unless I don't mind her being there.