Sunday, November 21, 2010


Another post from the draft folder. I started writing this one in April.

I didn't blog too much while I was pregnant. I meant to and I had things that I wanted to say but I just never managed to get them written down.

I didn't have any of the typical pregnancy symptoms until I was almost 2 months along. In fact I didn't feel one teeny tiny bit different. I felt like maybe I had dreamed that positive pregnancy test and it wasn't really true. It doesn't help that once you get a positive test you have to wait weeks and weeks to see a doctor. I was so afraid that I would get to that first ob appointment and they would tell me that it was all a mistake and I wasn't really pregnant. Around 7 or 8 weeks I had my first wave of nausea and I was so excited. Ha, ha, ha, I laugh now at how dumb I was because from that moment until the baby arrived I was sick every single day. I even vomited during delivery. It's funny that people always said that once you have that baby you'll forget the pain of labor and the discomfort of pregnancy. While I was pregnant I thought there was no way that I would do it again because being sick all the time was so miserable. Now that I'm on the other side it's not that I've forgotten (not one little bit!) it's more that the reward is so worth all the misery. Fitting into pants that I haven't been able to get past my knees in years has been kind of nice too.

I always thought that once I got pregnant that I wouldn't be able to keep it to myself and would be telling everyone the minute I found out. I was the complete opposite. I told my immediate family as soon as I found out and then threatened them with all kinds of torture if they didn't keep it a secret. At first I was nervous that it would be another miscarriage and I didn't want to untell the news. Once I got to 12 weeks I was still hesitant about making big announcements. It seemed like such a private thing and I didn't want to share. I kept putting off telling people that I don't see all the time until I was 6 or 7 months along. I think a big part of that was being afraid of folks asking about the father. I was comfortable with the fact that I had used a donor but since I had never really encountered any opposition or negative reactions it was easy to be confident with my choice. It just seemed like it would be exhausting to deal with. My immediate family was easy because I knew they would love me no matter what but opening up myself and my baby to the judgement of others gave me pause. When I told my parents I gave them both a lecture about how this was their grandbaby and the story of how he came to be was something to celebrate. I also made it clear that I absolutely would not tolerate anyone making him feel like it was a shameful secret and that it was up to them to make sure that the extended family gets that message too. In the end I was so surprised at how much of a non-issue it was. My mother took the celebrate bit a little too much to heart because she told EVERYONE all about her miracle grandbaby and how wonderful it was. The neighbors, multiple sales clerks at multiple stores, waitresses, etc (she loves to make new friends!). Funny thing is that everyone she talked to was so positive and sadly she heard from more than one that they regretted not making the same choice.


Navigating The Rapids said...

It's funny that you wrote this because I felt pretty much the same way. As for being and SMC, all of the women I spoke to along the way who didn't have kids wished they had done the same thing. One of the nurses in the hospital came to sit with me for a while to talk about how I had gone about it as her sister was considering the same thing.

Tiara said...

I've encountered the same positive feedback from women who wished they'd had the guts to be a's very validating. Before now I had never had anyone say to me, "I admire your choice."

Tanya said...

I only got sick a couple of times between my two pregnancies and believe me I do know how lucky I am. I did have a lot more issues with Grant... not with morning sickness but he was stubbornly breech until 37 weeks and excessive amniotic fluid... and I do mean excessive... like gushing into my shoes and leaving footprints down the hallway once I got to the hospital. I was sick through essentially the entire pregnancy though. 5 or 6 colds, a week long back spasm and bronchitis. Had my first pregnancy been that hard I probably would have never had the second.

I've been very open with people about how I conceived the boys because I never want them to feel that it's something to be ashamed of. I've also felt the overwhelming support of a lot of women who say they wish they'd either done the same thing or considered it at some point before they met "the one".